Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
