Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
