i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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