Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
birth control should be required to get into college
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
