Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
