no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
