i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
