the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
