In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
