It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
