I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this just has baby written all over it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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