Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
