Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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