I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As shirtless as possible
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
