6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
