they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
