oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
