That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My vagina is officially offended.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
