Don't you send me to vm
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
