dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
