Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
