This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
