i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
