i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
