I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
