you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
