if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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