We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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