bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
bring money and cleavage
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
