Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
