Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
