no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
