sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
