the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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