i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
