put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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