at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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