What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
