I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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