People with herpes should wear stickers.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
