paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Houston, we have a blender
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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