some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
