are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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