do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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