Plan B is the new Plan A
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
