mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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