Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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