Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
