i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
