I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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