Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
