I can text with my tongue
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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